At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
