Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
