If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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