This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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