No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
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