I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
