She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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