***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
