I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
