theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
