omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
