Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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