I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
