Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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