we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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