just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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