I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
