I just gift wrapped bread.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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