I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
