Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
