i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
