You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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