i just wanna soil my oats bro
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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