Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
