ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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