i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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