what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
