Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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