Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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