you traded sex for a burrito?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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