I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
