I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
meet me or not, i'm out of control
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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