The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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