I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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