Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
