I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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