Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
