woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize