No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
