If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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