Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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