When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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