last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
