I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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