So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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