how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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