Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
