I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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