I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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