He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
