SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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