Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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