I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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