You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
