K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
