I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
