I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
