Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
