Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
false alarm, still single
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
