He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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