is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
