Your face is a jimmy john
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
