I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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