So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
