I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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