Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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