Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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