totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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