ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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