Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
