ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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