Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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