She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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