I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
