Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
