I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
high people should be assigned attendants
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
