So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
